In 1937, Major Phineas Alphonzo Blunderwoot stood up from his fine leather chair at the famous Explorers' Attic and announced that he was embarking on the adventure of his lifetime: a trek to the newly discovered caves just outside of the Sahara. There, he claimed, there lived a great wizard who knew a secret that had eluded man since man's earliest days: how to melt chocolate without water. Blunderwoot's declaration was met with a mix of comments: the cheerful "Hip, hip! Hip, hip!" of his fellows and the dreaded "Raspberries, Phineas, your notions are a load of old socks in a burlap packet!" from his enemies. Nevertheless Blunderwoot staggered from the open bar to his airship parked beside the upstairs curb and began his twin quests: the long trek to the Sahara, the lonely desert in which he was eaten by a Yeti about two days in, and the hunt for the man who knew the secret of melting chocolate without water.

We at Woot thought that was just a simple family legend until just this morning, when a man in a very nice business suit came through the door with about twenty five pallets of the Salton Chocolate Treat Maker Double Pack. "Heirs of Blunderwoot!" he screamed over the grand din of our coal-powered server farm, "All is not lost! For I have come to bring you his final gift!" and then he laughed and made a run for the fire door.

If security hadn't been on break this story would have an entirely different ending but as it stands now we've got all these chocolate makers and some yeti prints in the cement stairs that we were finishing out back. The good news is, Blunderwoot really was onto something with his quixotic dream.

These lovely little pots really do melt chocolate (and maybe they could keep your asparagus dip warm too but that's totally your decision and whatever you do in the privacy of your own home is none of our business) and they come with all sorts of traditional Yeti instruments. Our favorite is the small dipping forks, which the Yetis use for a game a lot like Grand Theft Auto crossed with Lacrosse, but you also get a series of candy molds, which can let you do really fun stuff like make thirteen bunnies and then carve terrified eyes on twelve of them and eat the last while you giggle like a crazy man, and plus you get stuff for dipping and drying the chocolate so you can start right away, assuming you have some chocolate. But if you have some already, this is basically everything you need to make the chocolate shaped like lead into chocolate shaped like gold. In addition, because you get two of them, you can do it round the clock, all the time wearing a big top hat and surrounded by your children, dressed like Oompa Loompas and begging you to never show these photos to their friends. God bless you, Uncle Phineas!

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