Food? Oh, yeah. It could work for food, too.

Say you had a friend who needed, uh, basil. Yeah, basil. This guy cooks. A lot. Sometimes he wakes up and immediately starts cooking. Maybe he’s got a problem, but it’s not your place to judge. Besides, you’re making $80 a pop selling him basil. He’s a grownup, let him face his problems.

Anyway, we’re getting way off track.

So say this friend suddenly lives pretty far away, but he still wants basil. Maybe he can’t find any in his new hometown, or maybe it’s too expensive there or maybe it’s not as high quality as he prefers. So he wants you to start shipping it to him.

Well then you could totally use something like this Rival Vacuum Sealer! It locks out air, thereby eliminating the risk of freezer burn. And since there’s no air, there’s nothing to carry small particles of your basil out into the open air where people can smell it.

Oh yeah, in this hypothetical situation everyone who ships packages really hates basil for some reason, and they’ll consider arresting you if they catch you. We know, it’s super lame, but in this completely hypothetical world the country’s run by super uptight hypocrites who’d rather have you kill yourself with cigarettes or booze than enjoying a kinder, natural hi-...meal cooked with basil. Why? Because a long time ago some guy in the lumber industry was afraid that, uh…basil would replace wood as a cheaper, more reliable resource for paper and building materials.

This is getting more into the hypothetical politics of this whole thing than we wanted, but you get the point. Oxygen is the enemy. It allows freezer burn, it causes your ingredients to degrade over time, and it cramps your style in the post office. Get this sealer: it’s got an easy Press/Hold & Release System, an Open/Cancel Button, and Hands-Free/Seal Indicator Lights, so anyone with an IQ over “tree stump” can use it.

Even if you’re whacked out on basil.

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