El Jefe: First, I want to say muchas gracias to everybody who put together this retirement party: my brother, of course, but also the tireless cadres of the Party, and of course, the workers and peasants of this little island nation, who have shown time and again that they bring the strongest, most resolute fortitude to the struggle against the imperialists. Let us recall the outrage of Playa Girón, where the cat’s paw of Yanqui domination -

Little Brother: Eh, hermano? I know you like to talk, but the ice cream is melting in the heat. I’m not going back to Coppelia to stand in line for an hour again. Perhaps we should open the presents now, yes?

El Jefe: Look at my little brother! Merely an acting president, for now, but already giving me orders! OK, let’s open the presents. I don’t know how much time I have left. Hmmm – I wonder what’s in here…who’s this one from?

The Foreign Minister: Me, el Jefe. Just a little something I picked up abroad.

El Jefe: Well, I hope the man who sold it to you wasn’t working for the CIA! Now, let’s see….how do you – this tape, it’s – anybody got a knife? Or a key or something?

The Foreign Minister: Allow me, el Jefe.

El Jefe: There we go, there we go. What do we have here? A Remington R-450 Cordless Shaver?

The Foreign Minister: Indeed, el Jefe. I thought a man in your position would appreciate the gentle ministrations of its three floating heads. The titanium-coated twin blades stand firm in their rejection of whiskers, and this has 50% more cutting slots than the usual razor, so it’ll cut faster with less irritation. Also, it’s rechargeable, which could come in handy given the, er, occasional interruptions of electrical service carried out by imperialist saboteurs.

El Jefe: Hm.

Little Brother: Wasn’t that nice, hermano? The finest shaver the Yanquis offer, at this price range, anyway.

El Jefe: Hm.

The Foreign Minister: I, uh, hope you like it?

El Jefe: Let me ask you something. What I said about the CIA before – was I correct?

The Foreign Minister: I don’t understand.

El Jefe: Did the CIA pass this shaver to you to give to me?

The Foreign Minister: Of course not, el -

El Jefe: Because the only people I know who have been trying to get rid of my beard are the CIA! As both source and symbol of my masculine power, this beard has been the target of countless covert dirty tricks for the last 50 years, as you well know. Now here you come, in our vulnerable moment of transition, with a fancy cordless razor, to tempt me into freely giving up that which the imperialist agents have never been able to take away? Scandalous! You can send your CIA paymasters your report from prison!

Little Brother: You pig! You swine! You Judas of a whore!

The Foreign Minister: No, no, el Jefe, I assure you, please! ¡Perdoname! I’m entirely loyal to the Revolution! I just thought you might enjoy the Remington R-450’s close, comfortable shave, but only for the occasional trim! Please, don’t imprison me! Please, I couldn’t -

El Jefe: Ah, I’m just messing with you.

Little Brother: You should’ve seen your face!

The Foreign Minister: Heh. Very, uh, very funny, el Jefe.

El Jefe: Seriously, thanks for the Remington. It will be nice to have a decent electric razor instead of those ancient Czechoslovakian ones we have around here. Now who’s ready for ice cream?

The Foreign Minister: I am, el Jefe.

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