There is a shave so close, so smooth, that no ordinary razor can ever aspire to it. For decades, men have searched for this elusive shave. Now, the search is over. With its patented eight-blade triple-flex technology and innovative new WhiskerLift system, only the -

Wrong copy, Ted.

What?

You’re reading the copy for the wrong product.

What are you talking about? We’re selling the Razer Diamondback 3G, right? The one that uses extreme rotating action developed by NASA scientists to give you the closest, smoothest shave on this planet – or any planet, right?

No, that’s not the right product. We’re selling the Razer Diamondback 3G, but-

That’s what I said. The Razer Diamondback 3G.

But what I’m saying is, it’s not really a razor. It’s a mouse.

What, now?

A mouse. A computer mouse. For playing computer games.

Really?

Yeah, really.

But look at the thing. It’s all lit up on the sides, and it fits right into your hand. It looks just like an electric shaver. And it has Razer in the name.

I know. But it’s a mouse. It’s the successor to the original Razer Diamondback, with movement speeds 2.25 times faster than a standard 800dpi optical sensor, and On-The-Fly Sensitivity™ adjustment. And it’s available in red or green.

Look, I’ve been in this business quite a while, and I think I know the difference between a shaver and a mouse. So if it’s OK with you I’m going to stick with copy that I’ve been given and stop taking advice from some clown who happens to know how to work a tape recorder. Now let’s get back to work and I’d thank the control room to keep their mouths shut while I’m trying to do what I do. I swear, of all the…

There’s no need for that, Ted. Just read the other copy there, the one about the mouse.

I’ve got a better idea – how about you BLEEP your BLEEP and take this BLEEP copy and BLEEP it out your BLEEP hole? How does that sound, you BLEEP son of a BLEEP BLEEP?

You know what, Ted, we’re gonna break for lunch.

Good BLEEP idea, you BLEEP incompetent BLEEP.

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