“Oh, dear.”
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I’ve got this hard plastic package shaped like a cow… but I can’t open it!”
“Don’t worry, honey. Now there’s the Pyranna Plastic Package Opener!”
“The Pyranna Plastic Package Opener?”
“That’s right, honey. Each Pyranna Plastic Package Opener is designed with a mix of space-age slice vitamins, that target the “rip zone” of your package. It’s faster than scissors, and the stainless steel blade cuts like the biting wit of a gay novelist drinking cocktails with his ex.”
“I bet he’d say ‘That’s a cut-tastrophe!’, wouldn’t he?”
“Yeah, honey, that’s not really something someone witty would say.”
“Oh.”
“But the Pyranna Plastic Package Opener doesn’t judge. It just opens. And the safety smart mechanism keeps the clamshell closed when it’s not in use, so you won’t cut your pretty little fingers!”
“Why are you always so demeaning to me?”
“Well, honey, maybe it’s because you can’t even open a bag without calling for help!”
“Oh, but Sheila can open a bag, is that it?”
“Maybe. Maybe she can do a lot more than open a bag, too.”
“My mother was right about you! I want a divorce!”

Cut straight through anything with the Pyranna Plastic Package Opener! Order yours today! Not responsible for failed marriages.

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