Brothers and sisters, the time of the Power Squid is nigh! Behold, He will appear unto us as a five-tentacled being whose limbs course with electricity! Discard your old “power strips,” silly relics! Worthless idols from a misguided faith! What a horrible joke it was that you once believed in such rude trinkets! Look upon the Power Squid, consider your erstwhile confidence in the pathetic “power strips” plugged into your home office outlets and laugh, or sob, at the profundity of your error!

When He arrives, our old ways will end! Recall how we once struggled to find grounded adapter-ready outlets for our devices, five at a time? There are no words for the abject triviality of such concerns to the Power Squid!

But wait! He is already here! Look! Look to woot.com! Do you see? Gods, no! Some of our cult can see two Power Squids! Speak of them, brothers!

One is black, they say, and one is clad in a rubberized skin of silver, the other in black! Or perhaps both are silver! Or both black! What’s that? You think you would prefer to select the colors of the Power Squids yourself? Foolish, insignificant insect! What matters your preference? He will appear unto you as He appears, with less regard for your preference than a flood has for the names of the beetles it drowns!

Hail to the Power Squid! Oh, His arrival… it overwhelms me! I weep! With trembling mouse, I click the “I Want One!” button! My mind is not my own! Madness! Maaaaaadneesssss!

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