Be careful what you ask for. You might get it.

"Kyle, wait. Wait. I can’t relax.”

“What? What is it? I thought you were-”

“No, it’s not you, really. It’s just… I feel like we’re being watched.”

“Watched? That’s crazy! There’s no one here but me and you, baby.”

“I know, Kyle, but I can’t help but… wait… do you see that?”

“See what, baby?”

“Kyle, is that… Oh my God! Kyle! Is that a Polaroid High Definition Digital Camcorder sitting on the dresser?”

“What? No! That’s just… my new… slippers!”

“Kyle! Were you trying to record our most intimate moments at a 720p frame rate to 64 megs of built in storage or an additional SD memory card that isn’t included at the time of purchase?”

“Um… I love you?”

“Kyle, I can’t believe you’d do something like this to me! First of all, the HD format makes for higher quality images which means the lighting in this room is completely wrong. And did you even think to use the built-in white balance feature? Not to mention the arrogance involved in trying to direct yourself.”

“Baby, I didn’t mean to- wait, what did you just say?”

“Do you know how few actors are able to balance directing and acting? Did you even storyboard this, Kyle? Because we’ve already got one Soderbergh in the world, and I’m pretty sure you’re not him. Honestly, can’t you even make an effort here? At least you turned on the anti-shake image stabilization and motion sensor. But tonight’s footage is a total loss.”

“I didn’t know you knew so much about cameras, baby.”

“A woman knows these things, Kyle. Listen, if you want this project to be a success, you’re going to have to start acting like a professional. And I have to insist on script approval. Plus I need rehearsal time and a clear idea of what motivates me in every scene.”

“But… like, you’re cool with this? I mean, you’re into it?”

“Kyle, I’m not prepared to commit either way until you meet with my representation. But since you and me go way back, I think I can say that I feel I could be convinced to move forward on this one before the end of the quarter. I also like the 5 megapixel digital still photos, because having those is gonna make the marketing campaign very easy to coordinate.”

“Wow, yeah, I guess… I mean, this isn’t really the reaction I was expecting from you, baby.”

“Look, why don’t you work on some storyboards this weekend and then on Monday start making some preliminary calls to location scouts while I go over to your friend’s house- what’s his name? The one that looks like a linebacker because he works out five days a week? With the hot blonde wife?”

“Phil? My best friend?”

“Yeah, that’s the guy. I can get with them and start rehearsing what you and I went over tonight and then next week at the first meeting we can all see what there is to bring to the table and try to synergy. Then we can go from there.”

“You and Phil? And Judy? Why can’t I-”

“You don’t have a SAG card, Kyle, so you can’t actually be present until the paperwork is complete. It could open up some legal issues down the road, and those can tie up the post production. We all want this picture to be a success, don’t we? So you stay here and get some practice with the Polaroid HD Digital Camcorder and think the whole thing through and Phil and I will get back to you at the preliminary meeting on Monday. Okay?”

“Okay, if… I mean… I said I love you, right?”

“You did, Kyle, and that’s great, that’s exactly how you talk to the talent. You’re learning really fast. By next week this is all going to mesh and we’ll be ready to secure our investors. Just keep your eyes on the goal, okay? Don’t get sidetracked with a lot of negative energy. Maybe meet with a Reki specialist or something to get those chakras flowing. And don’t look so sad, Kyle! Didn’t you want to make a movie with me?”

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