Frankly, I don’t see the sport in it.

Where’s the challenge in trying to take down an animal with a high-powered firearm? Sure, some might argue an animal with a high-powered modern firearm would make dangerous game indeed, but to them I say: I meant using a firearm to take down an animal. They understood me the first time, I’m sure. But you know how people can be.

There’s simply not enough challenge for me in hunting deer or sheep or moose or walrus with a rifle. Anybody can do that. And by “anybody,” I mean anybody able-bodied enough to hike out into the woods, hale enough to endure cold temperatures, patient enough to sit still and be quiet, and handy enough with a rifle to hit a dinner plate at 50 yards. And that eliminates a lot of candidates, admittedly. My co-workers kvetch about the office temperature when it dips below 73. So they’re out. But my point is that I demand a more difficult proposition than that, myself.

It’s why I hunt with a Polaroid HD camcorder.

Imagine that instead of stalking within 200 yards of a bull elk, you had to creep right up alongside him, close enough to touch. Close enough to capture high-definition video of his wheezing bugle.

And then imagine you had to do so with a video camera that was either bright red or silver, so as to be easily visible to your prey. And then imagine that the camera also made little electronic noises when you pressed the buttons, and even though there was probably a way to turn them off, you hadn’t figured it out.

Finally, imagine that the ultimate goal of such a hunt is not merely to capture high-definition video of your quarry, but to get video of your quarry doing something sufficiently bizarre or humorous as to become a huge YouTube sensation, so you could live off the adsharing revenue.

Oh, and also imagine that you live in Jersey City and don’t have a car, so you can only hunt within walking distance of your apartment.

Now that, my friends, gives big game a truly sporting chance!

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