It’s not easy opening society’s eyes to reality. My pirate-radio transmitter blew up. I had to stop printing my ‘zine when my friend Tom quit his job at Kinko’s. Nobody ever looks at my blog – too much truth for people to handle, I guess. And The Daily Show won’t even acknowledge receiving my demo reel. But is that going to shut me up? Not a chance!

Because now I’ve got the Philips SPC900NC webcam. Philips calls it “the best webcam in the world,” and for once, a corporation is telling the truth. Not only does it feature a 90 fps refresh rate at 640×480 resolution, it also works just fine at low levels of light, all the way down to 1 lux. Hey, what’s that rattling sound I hear? Could it be The Man quaking in his jackboots?

Yes, the Philips SPC900NC will be my digital soapbox. It will be the bottle I fill with freedom gasoline and stop up with a truth rag, before setting it on fire with the lighter of justice. So what if it’s not Mac-compatible, or “may not work with all versions of Vista”? Once I get those hardware bugs ironed out, I’ll seduce the viewing public with some sharp, vibrant webcam eye candy before I hit them with my detailed plans for reviving the agricultural economy through a biofuel I call “hempoline”. That’s right – someday soon, your car will run on refined cannabis. And you can hear all about it on my new webcast -

Oh, wait, there’s no microphone? Damn. You win another round, Establishment!

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