Danger! It’s everywhere these days. If it’s not trans fats strangling you slowly from inside, it’s gangs of feral teenagers “wilding” you into pulp. If only there were one device that could protect us from our internal and external enemies! If only it were for sale extremely cheap on a deal-a-day web site, right this very minute! If only we’d end this extended intro and get to the $#@x%x product info already!

Meet the Oregon Scientific Electronic Pedometer and Panic Alarm. Next time you’re strolling off that bacon quadruple-cheeseburger with extra mayo, this clever little bugger will keep track of how many steps you’ve taken, how long you’ve been walking, and how many calories you’ve burned. And should you be menaced by any undesirables on your jaunt, just yank the device free from its clip cord for an ear-splitting 120dB panic alarm. If you’re really worried about your health and safety, put down the joystick and take steps to protect them. The Oregon Scientific Electronic Pedometer and Panic Alarm will record every single one.

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