(cough, cough) Oh, hey, uh, come on in. Did we have a meeting today? Oh, right, right, I was preparing a brief for…uh…(cough) I’m sorry, refresh my memory again?

Of course, yeah, your custody case. Well, I was researching some (cough, cough) precedents over at the university law library, and they, (cough) they, uh, have the most incredible little coffee stand outside that library there. I don’t know what it is, but (cough) I took one sip, and I was like “Oh, my God, this is the most awe-inspiring experience of my (cough) life.” It tasted like fine wine or something. I was all, man, did I go into the wrong field when I became a lawyer! Think of (cough, cough) how amazing it would be to make that coffee every morn-

OK, you’re right, sorry. (cough, cough) Back to the case. Of course, custody cases (cough) can be (cough) unpredictable, but I think we’ve got a strong case if we cross all our i’s and dot all our t’s. Now, where did I (cough) put that file? Is that it? No. Man, I’m always (cough) doing this. Hey, let me ask you something: do you (cough, cough) smell anything in here? No?

Awesome. See, I, I, uh (cough), sometimes I get these, uh, strong smells in the office, so, uh, (cough) I had to get this Oreck XL Signature Series (cough) Professional Air Purifier. You can’t even hear it, either, can you? (cough, cough) Right on. It’s totally quiet, exceeds (cough) HEPA standards – man, that’s a weird word, “HEPA”, isn’t it? Say it a couple times. HEPA. HEPA. Whoa. (cough, cough) And yeah, you never need to (cough) change the, uh, what do you call it, the filter (cough) . Good for me, because I’m always (cough, cough) forgetting to do stuff like that.

So yeah, uh, (cough) here’s your file. Now, let’s see… (cough) Oh, man, is that clock right? Seriously? Aw, dammit. Listen, I’m sorry, but (cough) I was supposed to be in court, like, (cough, cough) twenty minutes ago, so I gotta ramble. But I think we (cough) made some progress here on your probate case (cough) – or, right, yeah, your custody case, so I’ll call you sometime (cough) or whatever, and uh, hey, could you hand me that (cough) Visine?

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