Some people make the best of whatever life brings their way. Some people give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Some people have the serenity to accept what they cannot change. Well, not me! I’m Arthur Churlman, here with another installment of You’re Not Gonna Put One Over On Me!

This week, we’re looking at the Olevia 252TFHD 2 Series LCD TV. And that’s all we’re doing, looking – anybody who’d hand over real American money for this piece of junk needs to have their head examined. I’ve been itching to tell these Olevia shysters where they can stick it and break it off. Exactly what’s wrong with this overpriced hunk of nothing, you ask? Let’s take it point-by-revolting-point.

Fifty-two inch LCD HD screen: just big enough to crush me to death when your wall mount conveniently breaks. Don’t deny it, Olevia – you’ve had your greedy eyes on my lovingly restored 1979 AMC Pacer for years now. Once I’m out of the way, who’s to stop you from wheeling it off?

1080p resolution: oh, you’re selling me a TV with the highest commercially-available resolution out of the kindness of your heart? Pull my other one, Olevia! Maybe you own stock in some junk-food company, and you’ll make a mint when I spend all my time watching this exquisite TV. All you corporations are in bed together. Maybe you’re trying to hypnotize me with dazzling hi-def images so your goons can sneak up on me, conk me one over the head, and steal my McDonald’s Monopoly game pieces. I don’t know what your game is, Olevia, but you can be damn sure I’m not playing ball.

6.5ms video response time: so I can play games on Xbox 360 or Playstation 3 with no ghosting or other artifacts, huh? Nice try, grifters! Too bad I don’t have any game consoles. You think I’d let one of those death machines into my home? I’d rather not get testicular cancer, thank you very much.

2 HDMI ports: only two?

176-degree viewing angle: well, that’s pretty wide. Color me impressed – with your unmitigated gall! I won’t be satisfied until I can watch while looking directly at the side of the TV. Until then, peddle your snake oil someplace else.

I could go on all day, believe me. But I’m already spitting with rage, and my quack cardiologist says I have to watch my ticker. After all, if I keel over, he’ll have to find some other chump to pay his country club dues. But I’ll leave you with this final thought: if you’re thinking about buying this Olevia 2 Series 52” 1080p LCD TV, email me first. I need help getting millions of dollars out of Nigeria. Until next time, I’m Arthur Churlman – and I’m onto you, you cheap, chiseling four-flusher! You’re Not Gonna Put One Over On Me!

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