Why Do Litigants (Break Each Other’s Heart?)

Hello, I’m Gus Hall. As attorneys, it’s important to us that we’re taken seriously by our clients, legal adversaries, and the judges who hear our arguments. But when my partner Jerry Oates and I came together to form the Law Offices of Oates and Hall, we found ourselves the object of a good amount of juvenile sniggering.

Honestly, we didn’t realize how well-known this pop duo was. Jerry only listens to opera, and had never even heard of them. I suppose we’re lucky Jerry won the coin toss to have his name listed first; it might have been even worse. Getting letterhead printed is more expensive than you might think.

Thank goodness for the NVizio pen set! Jerry and I each have one. It includes a nearly indestructible fountain pen, a smudge-free roller pen with tungsten-carbon ball, an excellently clever “Twista” mechanical pencil, a ball pen that writes on alost any surface, an always-handy folio pen that clips anywhere it’s needed, a stylus pen for LCD screens, and an elegant “Petite Pen,” all in their own handsome storage box.

When either Jerry or I is meeting with a client, and the client makes some Hall-and-Oates remark intended to be humorous, we just take out one of our stylish Nvizio pens and begin silently making notes. This signals to the jokester that he is in the presence of a serious person. Someone with class. Someone around whom it is entirely inappropriate to “yukk it up.” And just like that, we move on from whatever foolish comment the client made, forget about it, change the tone, and get on with the solemn business of contesting his child support order.

Legal matters require a certain sobriety in their handling. That doesn’t mean we at Oates & Hall can’t be friendly. But it does mean we can’t tolerate excessive levity. Honestly, how many times have we been jocularly instructed to “wake [opposing counsel] up before [we] go-go?” That’s not even Hall & Oates. It’s Wham. But even when the jokes are accurate, they undermine the dignity which is essential to our effectiveness as attorneys.

And we can’t go for that. No can do.

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