Nothing says “I don’t think this relationship is working out” like a fresh fruit smoothie.

You’ll know your girlfriend has arrived when you hear the front door of your apartment close. “Hello?” she’ll call out. “Sweetie, are you here? The note on the door said it was open so I just walked in. Hello? Huggy muffin, if you’re playing a trick on me, it’s really not…”

She’ll find you sitting on the couch in front of several bananas, some orange juice, a package of strawberries, a carton of milk, ice, some Vitamin C powder, two tall glasses and the Ninja Master Prep Professional Food Processor all laid out on your coffee table. You won’t have to say a word. She’ll know exactly what’s going on. “You’re breaking up with me?”

Silently begin placing your ingredients into the 40 oz. Prep Pitcher with 4-Blade Set. Sure, you could use the 48 oz. Master Prep Pitcher with 6-Blade Set, but that might leave you with way too much smoothie, and she may take the appearance of leftovers as a sign of hope. Using the 16 fl oz. Master Prep Bowl with two 2-Blade Sets would only crush her like ice cubes in a dishwasher-safe, BPA-free bowl or pitcher.

“But we were happy. We were happy these last six months, weren’t we? Six wonderful, whimsical months and now you’re just going to turn your back on everything we’ve shared?”

Stay silent. Trying to explain your feelings or lack thereof will only make the hurt in her heart that much worse. Simply use the Master Pod’s 450W motor and stainless steel blades to blend the ingredients effortlessly.

“Just last week we went to that carnival, remember? We shared cotton candy and kissed each other deeply at the top of the Ferris wheel. But I guess that means nothing now.”

Within seconds, your smoothies will be ready. Pour some into each glass, then slide one over to her. She’ll take it into her hand, then stare at it quietly for a moment. “Before I sip this,” she’ll finally say, “I just want you to tell me why.”

Lift your own glass and take a gulp. Do not look at her. Looking at her will only make you want to grab her hand and run far away from all the things that made you make those smoothies with the Ninja Master Prep Professional Food Processor in the first place. You’ll want to tell her she’ll be safer without you around. You’ll want to tell her the whole horrid truth about the money and the murder and the officers that are probably watching the apartment at that very moment.

Instead, simply say, “It’s strawberry-banana. Your favorite.” There will be more silent sips, a few tears, and then she’ll be gone. In the end, it’s probably for the best.

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