“Ages 8 and up,” says the package. We say yeah, way up. At what age, we ask you, does someone cease to appreciate throttle-smashin’, wheelie-poppin’, morph’natin’ action? Whatever that number is, we haven’t reached it. (And we’re oooollld.)

This sleek, low-profile rail racer transmutates into a burly, jacked-up off-roader. That’s what they’re talking about when they say “Morph’Nate.” It’s got full-function radio control and working headlights. If you’re too old to enjoy that, then call your primary care physician, friend, because he or she is going to diagnose you as having morph’nated into a stodgy, no-fun, stick-in-the-mud.

There’s a sliver of hope for your recovery, but fighting your way back to life won’t be easy. Yours is a grave condition, requiring hours and hours of Morph’Nation therapy daily.

Back to top