Darling George -

I’m hesitant to write you, for fear that my primitive scribblings will pale next to the beautiful letter you sent from Germany this summer. (You wield words so skillfully, no matter what Conan and Dave say.) But at such a trying time, when so many plans have fallen apart and so many people are pouring such scorn upon you, I felt that any word of comfort I could offer would be a welcome balm upon your weary heart.

As I was reconciling the receipts at Rob’s Place last evening, I was nearly overcome by yearning and loss, by the awful consciousness of the great distance between us. So I turned on my Nexxtech 7” 16:9 LCD Portable DVD/CD Player and inserted the DVD of your marvelous performance aboard the Lincoln three years ago. In an instant, there you were, striding crisply across the 7” LCD, looking magnificent at the podium, speaking triumphantly in Dolby Digital audio. And thanks to the lightweight Nexxtech player’s car-lighter adapter, I was able to keep you by my side on the drive home. Sheer heaven, indeed!

Although your position demands that our love remain a secret, I knew then that I was not alone. Rog, Rerun and the gang suspect I’m concealing a mystery paramour – they tease and speculate and exchange meaningful glances, but I remain mum. One day last week, the discussion turned to private Social Security accounts, and I nearly exploded at the insults they heaped upon you. But fear not the judgment of the millions, for they, my darling, will never know you the way I have to come to know you – and to love you.

At this low moment, please remember: you have landed on the aircraft carrier in my heart, dearest. Your working majority in my house remains intact. If your plan was to invade and occupy my very soul, let me testify: mission accomplished.

Longing for you, aching for you, madly, deeply -

Shirl

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