OK, Mr. Tom “Action Weather Plus” Bingamon. The time has come for me to release you from captivity.

It’s been convenient having my very own meteorologist chained up in my basement. But your services are no longer required. Now I have the National Geographic Indoor Weather Projection Station. Not only does it offer weather forecasts and record 8 hours of barometric pressure readings, but it also measures the temperature and humidity indoors, too – skills you’ve proven woefully lacking in. And it doesn’t throw bowls of gruel at me and complain about how the chains are cutting into its ankles.

Go back to your friends at KWZZ-TV, Mr. Tom “Action Weather Plus” Bingamon. I am moving on with the National Geographic Indoor Weather Projection Station in your stead. Besides, now I have room down there for a sports reporter. Tell me, is Mr. Brent “Action Sports Plus” Garrity as tough as he looks on TV?

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