You know what’s more fun than having kids? Tormenting them.

They’re going to hate you for something, you know. You won’t let them shave their head. You won’t let them color their hair bright orange. You won’t buy them the latest jeans/shoes/dress/cereal/game/toy and YOU ARE RUINING THEIR LIFE AND THEY WISH THEY WERE DEAD. Parenthood, huh? What can you do?

Still, if you’re going to be accused of destroying your child’s life, you might as well take a more active role in doing so. For instance, what better way of showing your kid just how committed you are to the task of squeezing every last drop of joy from their young lives than by wrenching them from sleep with a Clocky Mobile Alarm Clock! Give it to them as a gift, then watch with evil parental glee as it leaps off their nightstand to scoot around the room and buzz after they’ve hit Snooze. Will they be mad that they have to climb out of bed and catch it to turn it off? Heck, they’ll be FURIOUS, but you’ll be able to say they’re mad at you for something better than, say, not letting them date until they’re 18.

Hey, their day is going to be full of adolescent horrors you are far too old to understand. What better way to help them greet it than by sending them out the door fuming at both you and the world?

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