She woke up and wondered where she was. Then she remembered, and wished she hadn’t. The morning sun cast a harsh glare over the impromptu bottlecap ashtrays, the crumpled Hardee’s wrappers, the grungy incense burner. Bob Marley stared down with glazed eyes from a massive wall hanging. DVDs and PlayStation game discs sat in haphazard stacks, practically begging to get scratched. After all the times she’d vowed “never again”, she was back at Dax’s place.

She could hear him in the shower, singing “What I Like About You” in a tuneless howl, exaggerating the flourishes like every other bad singer who doesn’t know it. He was like a gigantic barnacle of pure loserdom clinging to her pristine hull. If she didn’t scrape him off, he’d pull her under the surface and she’d drown in idiocy. What was she doing here? Why couldn’t she ditch this moron?

Then she saw it, and the feelings came flooding back: the MTX Audio HTB1-S Home Theater Speaker System.

How could she resist the expansive 5.1 surround sound rippling outward from that compact package? She was powerless before the 3” paper cone woofers and 1/2” balanced dome tweeters in each of the four magnetically shielded satellite speakers. The single 1/2” tweeter/woofer center channel tickled her in ways she didn’t know she could feel. All she yearned for was to surrender to the self-amplified 100 watt 8” high excursion subwoofer, to feel its massive bass wrap around her like a strong, masculine afghan (the blanket, not the nationality). She ran her fingers along the black vinyl subwoofer, perched on top of a stack of milk crates, and knew she would be back.

Still dripping, Dax emerged from the bathroom clad only in a pair of boxers emblazoned with the Budweiser logo. “Oh, you’re up. Hey, check this out: Matisyahu’s opening for Nickelback next week – and guess who’s got tickets?”

On second thought, maybe she wouldn’t. There had to be some other guy out there who owned an MTX Audio HTB1-S Home Theater Speaker System.

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