Tonight: Laser Over Langley! (in color)

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: Huff! Get in here, immediately!

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: I know what this is about, Mr. McCode, and I can explain. See, I ran out of monitor wipes before I got to the third floor offices, but I was wearing these really nice satin socks, so I just improvised-

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: No, no, it’s not about that. Close the door, Huff.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Yes, but…sir? Is there a problem?

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: No. Not unless you consider being assigned your first mission a problem.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Wow! Seriously? A mission for me? I’ll do my best, sir. You won’t regret it. Should I go to orthodontics and have them outfit me with one of those cyanide-filled molars? In case I get captured by the enemy, so I can’t tell them what I know?

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: I’m not sure what that would be. But no, no, nothing like that. This mission is codenamed Operation Laser 5000. Listen very carefully to the following instructions.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Will they self-destruct after I hear them?

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: Wha- no, I’m just going to read them aloud. There’s no self-destructing tape involved. We never really did that anyway.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Aw, man. OK, go ahead.

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: I need you – no, America needs you to go to the receiving dock over in building C. You know where that is, right?

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: I memorized the floor plans here. Then I ate them, to keep them from falling into the wrong hands.

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: Well, here’s another copy. Now, ask Robert if we’ve received anything from Microsoft, addressed to me. He should say yes.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: I see. So if he doesn’t say yes, he’s an impostor. Should I kill him?

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: No, no. If he says no, ask him to check again. Then, he’ll give you box. I need you to bring that back to me immediately. Whatever you do, do not take it over to Mandy at the Middle-East Desk. She’s opened my mail before.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Got it.

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: Then bring it up here and open it. Attach the USB transceiver to one of the open ports on my computer. Then follow the computer’s instructions for installing the keyboard and mouse. I don’t know, you might need some drivers or something. It’s easy enough, even you should be able to handle it.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: I appreciate the vote of confidence, sir. I won’t let you down.

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: See that you don’t. It’s absolutely vital that a man in my position has access to a convenient wireless desktop suite complete with four-way scrolling, and an ergonomic comfort-curve keyboard. Our way of life depends on it. Do you understand?

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Sir, yes, sir!

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: Are you prepared to carry out Operation Laser 5000, no matter what the cost to you personally?

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Sir, yes, sir!

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: Then go. And Godspeed you on your way. Oh, Huff? One more thing.

Tevin Huff, CIA Intern: Sir, yes, sir!

CIA Director “Breaker” McCode: On your way back, go by the second-floor break room and see if they have any taco-sauce packets in that drawer under the microwave. Dismissed!

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