Are you an optics freak? Do you demand precision-ground lenses of high-density, high-dispersion, high-refractive-index barium crown glass?

Really? You do? Then move along; there’s nothing to see through here.

They say you get what you pay for, but it’s been our experience that you usually get less. Take these Vivitar binoculars for example. They’re not great. They’re not even particularly good. You might even say they’re—well, “junk” is a strong word, but you might use it. You’ve always been more direct than we are. At this price, though, they’ve got to be a good deal, right? Who ever heard of a pair of binoculars that wasn’t worth at least five bucks?

We have; you’re looking at them. But we’re firm believers in the one-man’s-trash principle, so we’re sharing these crummy—er, “entry-level” binoculars in Two-for-Tuesday bundles. That’s a pair of pairs of binoculars (four oculars?) for a price so low, they’ve just gotta be rubbish.

Give them to some kids you know. Use them as props in your no-budget spy film. With four times the magnifying power of the naked human eye, maybe these semi-disposable binoc-noc jokes will even find a semilegitimate purpose in your tailgating kit. Or in one of the many heretofore vacant pockets of your bush vest. Or on your windowsill to help you look in on your neighbors—for their own safety, of course.

And then, while you’re peeping through the laughably low-grade lenses of your just-acquired and already-regretted Vivitar binoculars, you’ll think: Wow, these were so cheap they were almost free, and yet they still may not have been worth it. And on that day you will have become a wiser consumer.

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