iPod? What would you need an iPod for?

All those freaky “portable” devices assume one specific market: people who leave their computers. And let’s face it, you don’t fit that market. So why should you have to deal with those freakin’ marketers who focus on “lifestyle” types? You know, the people who don’t have the responsibilities of a guild leader, who don’t have to co-ordinate strikes against an invading space fleet, and who don’t have to keep up with the latest leaked releases so that their ratio stays clean?

For you, the person working toward the total synthesis of man and machine, we offer the LTB Audio 5.1 USB Surround Sound Headphones. Multiple speaker units are intended to give sound from five directions, while the SafeBass technology protects your delicate ears.

After all, you’re still got to hear the doorbell. Although… is it too forward to give the pizza guy his own key?

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