Okay, tell her if she takes that reindeer out of her office, we’ll let her have a lifeSMART Renew 1500-watt Cool Touch Infrared Quartz Heater

Charlotte? Hey, you got a second?

Of course, Son of Adam. Here, come sit beside me on my sledge. Let him pass, fawn, don’t be foolish.

Yeah, that’s cute, the plaster garden fawn there. Really went the extra mile on this gag.

Address me not so casual, Son of Adam. But your Ice Queen forgives you this once. Tell me, have you come to beg my protection against the coming winter snow? They say the thaw might never arrive, and each day my kingdom only grows in power.

Right. Well, Charlotte, I- oh, is that Turkish Delight? I gotta say, the level of detail here has impressed everybody. But I actually just came to tell you that Jack said it was okay if you brought your lifeSMART Renew 1500-watt Cool Touch Infrared Quartz Heater to work from now on. You know, because apparently you seem to be cold.

Ahaha! Cold? What nonsense. Come, Son of Adam, join me beneath these leopard pelts and tell me of the lands from whence you came.

They call my land the Accounting Department, Charlotte, and it’s just beside the elevator you use every day. Listen, I’m not saying it’s gonna feel like mid-August in here, but the lifeSMART Renew 1500-watt Cool Touch Infrared Quartz Heater runs pretty well, and it’s designed seriously and for regular use, and it can even save you on heating costs. That last bit is what won Jack over. Plus there’s this cool remote and if you get too hot, you just change the temperature or shut it down from your desk. Takes two seconds, it’s easy.

My most loyal knight. You shall sit beside me in Cair Paravel, where we shall run the lifeSMART Renew 1500-watt Cool Touch Infrared Quartz Heater both night and day… for those who swear fealty to our alliance. Son of Adam, you shall be the Lord of all, second only to me! Tell me, tell me of your brothers, and the Daughters of Eve who even now plot against me.

Charlotte, don’t take this the wrong way, but do you cosplay or something? You just must have put a TON of work into all this. I mean, those icicles are knitted out of blue yarn, it must have taken weeks. Don’t you ever, you know, date? Do you have a cat? You’ve got a cat, right Charlotte?

Go now, Son of Adam, before my wrath grows.

Okay, then just let me know when your armies of the night need to be reimbursed or anything. I’ll be in my cube.

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