We’d like to believe this printer works by some means other than black magic. But the alternative explanations all seem so far-fetched.

“Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of SCIENCE OR SORCERY? I’m your host, Professor Merle Ganun. And just let me clarify, in accordance with the stipulations set forth in the formal letter of censure sent to me by the FCC, that although I hold no degrees from any accredited institute of learning, ‘Professor’ is, in fact, my legal first name, as of late 2010.

“This week, as always, we’re going to be examining another curious contraption or phenomenon brought to our attention by one of our viewers—and determining whether it’s explicable in purely natural or technological terms, or whether it was birthed from the infernal loins of occultism. Let’s meet this week’s guest!”

“MERLE, TODAY’S FIRST GUEST IS TAD BOWERS, A TEMPORARY OFFICE WORKER FROM BAD AXE, MICHIGAN.”

“Welcome to the show, Tad! It’s a pleasure to have you. What did you bring for us to take a look at on SCIENCE OR SORCERY?”

“Well sir, this is a thing from the office where I’m currently working at this time. It’s a Kodak wireless all-in-one printer machine.”

“You don’t say! Well, that certainly is a most impressive piece of equipment. Gene, bring the camera in close, here, would you? Give the people at home a good look at this thing. Yes, that is a handsome piece of hardware. What’s it do?”

“I’ll show you. For starters, you can use the free Kodak Pic Flick App to get it to print photos wirelessly from your iPhone or iPod Touch, like so.”

“WHAT DEVILRY AND WICKEDNESS BE AFOOT!?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“THIS ACCURSED HELL-BOX HAS BELCHED FORTH AN IMAGE OF SOME CANINE DEMON, SUMMONED AS IF FROM THE VERY AETHER!”

“What, this? Naw, that ain’t nothin’, it’s only a picture of my dog, Big Clyde. It was on my phone. I just printed it as an examp-”

“NO CONDUITS CONNECT YOUR ‘PHONE,’ SIR, TO THIS EVIL CONTRAPTION!”

“Uh, no, that’s right. It uses a built-in wireless connection. It was super-duper simple to set up, too. Basically it just connects itself to whatever wireless network you’ve already got running at your home or in the office, or…”

“SPEAKETH NOT TO ME OF SUCH MALEFICENT MAJICKS, CONJURER!”

“Mr. Professor Ganun, I feel like you haven’t—”

“BACK TO THE STINKING REALM WHENCE YOU SLITHERED, TRICKSTER! I WANT NO PART OF YOUR FIENDISH MACHINATIONS!”

“You don’t even want to see the scanner feature?”

“BACK, BACK, I SAY! I CAST YOU OUT!”

“But I lugged this thing all the way fr—”

“I CAST YOU BACK INTO THE YAWNING DEPTHS OF HADES, YE TROLL! GET THEE OUT, AND BESMIRCH THE HUMAN PLANE NO LONGER! TURN! TURN AND CRAWL BACK INTO THE FETID CARRION PIT FROM — oh, look at that! We’re all out of time. I want to thank this week’s guest, the Execrable Beast Which Some Call Tad. Great of you to be here! Viewers, be sure to join us again next time, when a schoolgirl from Pennsylvania will show us a volcano she created with baking soda and vinegar! Sounds like witchery to me! If it is, you can bet we’ll find out: on SCIENCE OR SORCERY?”

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