“Tiffany, can you come to my house after school today? I have something to tell you. Something really…special.”

After school? Special? I could tell by the look in Beth’s eye that something was on her mind. Something serious. Maybe I should’ve asked what. But the bell was ringing for fourth period, so I just said “Sure” and went to class.

That afternoon, we walked to Beth’s house together.

“Did you hear about Bryce Lewendecker?” Beth asked. “His parents caught him kissing a JVC GRDA30 MiniDV Camcorder and sent him to bad kids’ camp.”

“No way,” I replied. “I wonder if it’s the same camp Shanna Wilks got sent to after she stole that JVC GRDA30 MiniDV Camcorder from the teachers’ lounge to pay for her abortion.” We walked along, each of us lost in our own thoughts of the GRDA30’s vertical-sliding 2.4” LCD.

As soon as Beth opened the door to her house, I was assaulted by the unmistakable odor of liquor. I didn’t let on that I could smell it. I didn’t want to embarrass Beth. Her face showed she was embarrassed enough. And within a few seconds, Beth’s mom was tottering down the stairs in a flimsy nightgown. Her makeup was smeared and one spaghetti strap loosely hung around her left elbow.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Tanner,” I said, as politely as I could.

“What is that supposed to mean, you little witch?” she snarled. “You think you’re better than me?” She turned her fury on Beth. “And you – did you bring me my cigarettes like I told you to?”

“No, Mom,” Beth meekly answered. “I told you, those cigarettes aren’t good for you, and I won’t -”

“Good for me? Good for me?” Beth’s mom was the kind of person who didn’t seem to realize interrupting people was rude. “Now you listen to me, junior miss thing: I’m the one who makes the rules around here, and if I tell you to go down the store and bring me my cigarettes, you damn well better do it. Are you too stupid to understand that, you worthless little -”

Before I knew what I was doing, I was pounding on Mrs. Tanner’s head with the nearest object I could grab. Through the haze of violence, I barely realized it was the JVC GRDA30 MiniDV Camcorder. But I didn’t care right then about its webcam functions, or its lack of a viewfinder or an SD/MMC card slot. All I wanted was to keep this horrible person from hurting my friend.

Mrs. Tanner tried to fend off my blows. But in her drunken state, she was no match for me. After eight or nine solid shots to her head, she ran shrieking from the house. “Sorry,” I gasped. “I don’t know what – Beth, I’m sorry, I just -”

Beth smiled. “She’ll live. Unfortunately.”

My voice was still shaky with adrenalin as I asked, “What was the special thing you wanted to tell me?”

Her face clouded. “Oh, yeah. Well, um, I guess I should just come out and say it. I think I’m sort of, like, falling in love with you, Tiffany.”

I didn’t know what to say. Beth and I had always talked about boys and shared lots of fun times together, but I’d had no idea she felt this way about me.

“I know this is, like, weird,” she went on nervously. “So, I, um, wrote this note to explain it all. You can, uh, take it home, and read it, and let me know how you feel, OK? Promise you’ll read it? Promise?”

What could I say? “Of course.”

“Good. I poured my heart into that letter, just for you. Now, I have to, uh, I have to go take my Ritalin or something. I’ll see you at school.”

And with that, she was up the stairs. I stood alone in the foyer of her house. My feelings were all mixed up as I looked at the folded piece of looseleaf paper in my hand. I was flattered and, for some reason, a little excited. I was afraid Mrs. Tanner would come back and beat me up. I was worried that maybe I had broken the JVC GRDA30’s 30x optical zoom lens.

But most of all, I wished I had learned to read.

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