HYDERABAD, India (FKE) – Researchers here confirmed reports of a man who can literally talk out of both sides of his mouth. During controlled studies at Osmania University, the man exhibited the ability to hold two simultaneous conversations, and even sang “Frere Jacques” in rounds, by himself.

The man, who claims to be a Sikh prophet, refused to allow his name to be released on the grounds that it was so holy, it would burn any paper that tried to hold it.

The research team ascribes his remarkable abilities to more mundane, if no less remarkable, causes. “An extra joint in the middle of the jaw enables him to divide his mouth into, essentially, two mouths,” said Dr. Pradesh Andhra. “Brain scans show a highly unusual pattern which seems to indicate that he can mentally process two distinct conversations at once.”

Andhra said the limits of the man’s abilities were, as yet, unknown.

“In our tests, he easily used two Jabra BT135 Compact Bluetooth Headsets at the same time,” he said. “On one side he was talking to his brother-in-law about this weekend’s cricket matches, while on the other, he was ordering an end table from IKEA. The lightweight 14-gram body and 6mm omni-directional microphone of the Jabra BT135 are ideally suited to his unique talents.”

For now, the man’s future remains uncertain.

“This ability would seem to give him an enormous future in politics,” Andhra says. “At the very least, he could draw two paychecks from any call center he likes.”

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