That’s right, buddy. You can read the sign, right? I’ve expanded my “no shirt, no shoes, no service” policy to include “no gloves.”

My place, my rules. You don’t like it, you got two choices. Take your business somewhere else and never darken my door again, or buy a pair of these Isotoner Men’s Gloves I happen to have conveniently for sale next to the door.

Save your sob story for Nora Ephron. I got a business to run here and if I decide I don’t want to look at your mangled-up fingernails and the veiny backs of your hands, my word is law, got it? I don’t care what color they are, or whether they’re leather or suede. If Black Leather tinkles your bell, go for it. If you’re more of a Suede Taupe guy, I got no beef with that. But let’s make one thing clear: your hands will be covered or they’ll be out on the street. That getting through your thick skull yet, Ein-steen?

OK, I’m glad you’re seeing the light. Here’s your change. Now go ahead and grab yourself a pew. We start the worship service in ten minutes. Hey, whaddya want from me? The collection plate’s been a little light lately. We gotta provide however we can.

Back to top