We need to have a talk, Kevin. I’m a little bit worried about your effort.

Whoa, Whoa! There’s no need to get defensive. I don’t suspect you of lying about your workout regimen. But I’m a trainer, Kevin; it’s my job help you get in shape. That’s why I asked you to keep that Exercise Diary. Well, I was looking over it and I noticed something a little odd. It appears that your workouts consist of just holding various objects.

Like here, last Tuesday, you write that you “held a baseball for seven seconds” or last Wednesday, you “picked up a desk plant and held it firmly for seven seconds before placing it back down carefully.” It looks like you had some trouble last Thursday when you apparently “had every intention of holding a granola bar for seven seconds but ate it after only four”; however, you go on to say that you were able to “right yourself” and achieve the full seven seconds by holding another granola bar for the remaining three. Then, after getting distracted and holding a travel mug for a whole minute on Friday, you decided to take the next few days off.

I just feel like I need to clarify something: the whole holding for seven seconds to build muscle thing, that only works with isometric workout devices like the ISO 7X Isometric Workout Bar, and even then you have to hold it in the right way to work different muscles. It’s not an across the board “7 seconds of holding gives you muscles” thing. I mean, think about it: if that were the case, we’d all have ripped shoulders from carrying our shirt around all day, you know?

Did I lose you there, Kevin?

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