Dear Brian & Sarah -

You’ve probably noticed by now that I’ve run away. I may only be a dog, but I could see where things were headed around here. I decided to make it easy on all of us and move on.

Please, don’t try to pretend nothing’s changed. Ever since the iRobot Roomba 4290 came into our lives, I’ve been getting less and less attention. Fewer tummy rubs. Less frequent treats. Have you even noticed that my rubber-newspaper chew toy has been lodged between the stove and the cabinet for weeks now? Have you even heard me whimpering for it?

Forget it. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m way past that now. I mean, how could I blame you for choosing the iRobot Roomba 4290 over me? I make messes – it cleans them up. You have to get up in the morning and let me out, but all you have to do for the Roomba is program its scheduler. I see the way you’ve been fawning over it, telling all your friends about it, knitting that little sweater for it. I get it. You’ve found a new best friend.

Funny thing is, you picked the 4290 with me in mind. Remember what you told me when you brought it home? Remember the promises you made? “Look, boy, it’s specially designed to pick up pet hair effectively,” you cooed. “The Intellibin tells us when it’s full. It’s got bump sensors so it won’t run your paws over. And if you flip it over, it’ll shut off automatically, so you won’t hurt your little nose sniffing at its moving parts.” You didn’t think I understood. Well, I understood every word. I went along with your dream, the dream of the four of us together always. What a fool I was.

But I’ll find a home somewhere. Please don’t try to find me. It’s better this way. All I ask is, the next time you’re emptying the Intellibin and you find a wisp of golden-brown fur with a touch of grey, remember that little puppy who used to bark at his reflection in the sliding doors. He wasn’t such a bad little mutt, was he?

Your old best friend,

Rascal

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