From the desk of Korey Kringle, CEO, Santasys Corp.:

First, let me extend warm holiday greetings to all of the associates at our North Pole headquarters, as well as our assembly plants in Guatemala and Indonesia, and our satellite office in the Cayman Islands. Thanks to your hard work and dedication, Santasys is approaching yet another successful Christmas Eve. We’ll serve some 1.8 billion boys and girls this year, and do it all by sunup. Please give yourselves a Christmas bonus in the form of a hearty pat on the back. You’ve earned it.

Now, I want to talk about something our elves have cobbled up that promises to change the face of Christmas – or, at least, the floor of Christmas. It’s the iRobot Roomba 510, one of the next generation of the popular vacuum cleaning robots that so many of our clients have found under the tree these last few years. That’s right – the Roomba you’re familiar with has gotten even better, and Santasys will bring it into homes around the world.

What are we talking about here? We’re talking about more cleaning power, easier maintenance, improved navigation. We’re talking about anti-tangle technology to deal with cords and cables. We’re talking about a larger dustbin, and sensors that reduce Roomba’s impact on walls and furniture. From its new side brush to its new beater brush, the Roomba 510 is a smarter, faster, stronger robot, to deal with the terrifying new superparticles found in 21st century carpets.

But the Roomba 510 is about more than just a clean floor. It’s about finding a voice. A voice that walks you through the initial set-up and lets you know when the 510 needs maintenance. A strong, reassuring voice bringing a message of hope to these troubled times. Because what good is a clean carpet if your mind is littered with anxiety and fear?

I think I speak for the entire Santasys organization when I say we couldn’t be more excited about the Roomba 510. But we didn’t just touch our noses to make it happen. A lot of people and elves did a lot of very hard work, from our International Vice-Elf for Acquisitions, Glodo Twinklefeather, all the way up to Starlena Dimpleglade, our Chief Sugarplum Officer. Please accept my personal thanks, along with the mandatory thanks of all Santasys associates.

Finally, I do have to make one difficult announcement concerning the new Roomba 510 project. While my father Kris remains an integral part of Santasys in his position as Right Jolly Old Elf Emeritus, and his indomitable spirit will guide our sleigh tonight and every night, the Board has decided that on-time delivery of the Roomba 510 is too crucial to entrust to a team of magical reindeer. Instead, we will utilize Fedex Express 2-Day Service to ensure that a Roomba 510 will be under the tree for everyone who wants one this year. Sorry, Dad. And Merry Christmas.

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