An adapter that lets you listen to your MP3 player through an FM radio like the one in your car? Who wouldn’t want that? Believe it or not, certain sick individuals persistently refuse to buy this every time we sell it. Herewith, ten reasons you wouldn’t buy this iRiver AFT100 Mobile FM Transmitter:

• You prefer to drive with headphones on, turning every trip to the supermarket into a life-or-death thrillride.
  
• You have incontrovertible proof that FM radio waves are just one more way The Man controls our minds.
  
• You just spent your last $14.99 on a display case for your LeakFrog collection.
  
• An iRiver sales rep murdered your parents.
  
• You refuse to listen to music anywhere but in your scientifically-designed listening room, complete with anechoic foam wall panels and corner-loaded bass traps, because you are a tremendous wanker.
  
• None of your MP3 players have headphone jacks.
  
• Your acute clinical depression makes you utterly indifferent to the simple joys of music, or anything else.
  
• You feel better investing in an overpriced, proprietary iPod car stereo adapter.
  
• Its phallic shape is offensive and degrading to womyn, transgendered people, and survivors of Erectile Dysfunction.
  
• You want this Woot-Off to slow to a crawl.

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