Today, back in 1217, a great, great, great hero died. We speak of Eustace The Monk. Never heard of him? Well, then, let us explain.

Eustace the Monk was the son of a lord. He then went to Toledo to study black magic. When he came home from that, he became a Benedictine monk. When his father was murdered. he left the monastery to take his revenge. And so became a pirate. No lie, go look for yourselves.

Anyway, for some reason, no one has ever thought to make a video game about Eustace the Monk. Of course this is nuts, because he’s clearly a guy who should be a household name, alongside Bluebeard and Blackbeard and James Beard and Joey Buttafuoco. But, if they ever do figure it out, you can bet it will be long and have many exciting levels. We’re picturing God of War crossed with Crystal Castles. Pretty cool, right? That’s why we’re recommending that you buy the InCharge for Xbox 360 right now, while it’s still cheap and easy to find.

With an InCharge for Xbox 360, you’ll be able to charge your XBox 360 remotes (you know, the ones that you get when you want to buy an XBox 360) without having to buy new batteries each time. It’ll not only help the environment, it’ll also save you money. And boy, when the Eustace the Monk game finally comes out, won’t you be happy that you have freshly charged handsets? Why, use them long enough and, with all the money you save, it’ll sort of be like getting a free game! You know, from a certain point of view. Mostly ours. Shut up.

If you’re reading this, gaming industry, get on it. The true story of the world’s only magical pirate monk has got to be a fantastic hook for the next great gaming experience. In the meantime, we’re going to try and get these InCharge for Xbox 360 chargers into the hands of as many people as we can. We’re sure that, once you release Eustace’s Journey for the XBox 360, everyone is going to want to have their handsets powered up and ready to go.

So today, on the anniversary of your death, we salute you, Eustace the Monk. We salute you for showing the world that an overpowered multi-class character does, in fact, have historical support. We salute you for wanting to avenge your father and winding up the terror of the English Channel. We salute you for trying to bribe your way out of death, even though it didn’t actually. And we salute you for giving us something to write about when we had no idea how to promote the InCharge for Xbox 360. You might have died roughly eight hundred years ago, Eustace, but in our hearts, you live on.

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