“Act One: The Entertainer. One woman’s quest to have everything just perfect.”

Shirley Wetzler is throwing a party, and she has a slight problem.

“Oh, I don’t think I’ll have enough ice.”

Ice, Shirley says, can make or break the occasion.

“Oh my, yes. If you run out of ice, people run out of steam. Drinks get warm, conversations stall; it takes people out of the moment, you know.”

And when you really think about it, she has a point. Researchers at NYU recently released a paper titled “Chill Factor: The Effect of Ice on Social Lubricant,” in which they stated findings indicating that cooler cocktails equal chattier conversations.

That’s why Shirley isn’t taking any more chances. She’s purchased her very own Igloo Portable Ice Maker, and she’s very excited about it.

“Oooh! Look at it! Up to 26 pounds of ice in just 24 hours! Absolutely perfect! And look! I can even make three different sizes of cubes! Oh my gosh, this party is going to be the best ever!”

I stayed for Shirley’s party, and you know what? It was the best ever. The drinks were cool and crisp, and the conversation flowed like water. Or maybe some well-chilled cocktails.

“That’s Melanie Schufter, from member station WBORE in Chicago. Up next, Act Two: Out in the Cold. A man walks outside without his jacket, and soon realizes the error of his ways.”

“Jeez, it’s cold out here.”

“But first, 14 hours of pledge drive. It’s ‘These United States Existences,’ I’m Ari Slate, and I’m on a personal mission to bore you to tears.”

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