I’m not just an electronics consumer. I, sir or madam, am an electronics connoisseur.

Mere consumers run out and buy the latest laptop they can afford. Fools! For maximum character and complexity, laptops should be carefully aged. That’s why I’m just now popping the cork on this 2003-vintage IBM ThinkPad T41.

Just take a whiff of this pre-Lenovo artifact. You’ll see what I mean. The 40GB hard drive exudes aromas of nutmeg and ripe Asian pear, with delicate vanilla notes wafting over from the 512MB RAM. On the palate, the DVD burner reveals roasted barley and wet river rock undertones, with a strong, lush finish from the pre-loaded Windows XP Pro.

Don’t gabble at me about features this and processing power that. I’m not in it for the functionality. If you want to keep wasting your time with immature laptops that just aren’t ready for consumption, I won’t stop you. But I’ll take the aged IBM ThinkPad T41.

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