I admit it: I’m not terribly “handy.” I don’t fit the classic ideal of the testosterone-soaked man’s man, happiest in the garage or basement, laboring noisily at some unnecessary DIY enterprise. For one thing, my basement’s the Dungeonmaster’s sanctum, not a workshop. And when it comes to household maintenance and repair, from leaky pipes to loose floorboards to a disintegrating doorknob, my strategy’s always the same. Give the project a timid, halfhearted try, unfailingly making the problem worse, then call a real handyman.

All the same, I love my Hyundai 18-volt cordless tool set. Not only do its five easy pieces let me make disastrous first stabs at a wide variety of home improvement projects before calling a professional—they also anatomize action figures in totally sick ways that Torquemada never imagined.

See, after a particularly difficult day at the office, I like to unwind by plucking a vintage action figure from my big box of boyhood diversions—nothing with any real collectible value, mind you, just an Inhumanoid or Sectaur—and treating myself to its protracted torture, dismemberment and destruction. With two 18-volt batteries and a charger, I can stay at this for as long as it takes to restore my psychic calm.

After renaming the fully poseable figure after whichever co-worker trod most heavily on my nerves that day, I set upon it with the sander, the grinder, the drill, the chisel and the reciprocating saw, always in that order. 1200mAh of power is hyperbolic overkill for this kind of thing, but mercy! Do I ever love the godlike feeling of total domination it gives me over my hopelessly overwhelmed subjects!

As the smell of melting plastic fills the room, and another action hero is reduced to so much shattered junk, my mood stabilizes, my workplace rage ebbs, and I start to feel like I can face another day.

But you could probably use it to fix stuff, too; I wouldn’t really know.

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