Take a good look around your office: a lot of this equipment would look awfully nice in your house, huh? You’ve been talking about putting a fax machine in the bathroom, and the one at the reception desk would work just fine. Seems a shame to waste that hi-res color printer on the little-used Conference Room C. And with the copier on the second floor, you could print enough copies of your cryptozoology newsletter to choke a Mongolian death worm. How hard it would it be to slip in after hours and wheel it all away?

But we can’t let you do that. You’d get caught, and you’re not the kind of person who would hold up well in the joint. Those monsters would garnish you with peach wedges and cottage cheese and eat you for brunch. But even if you somehow get all that stuff into your rooms, you’ll need a bunch of unsightly, unwieldy, just plain unfriendly wires strung round the place. Either way, kid: you lose.

So tell you what we’ll do. Just to keep you out of trouble, we’ll let you take this HP Photosmart 2710 Wireless All-in-One Printer/Scanner/Copier/Fax unit off our hands for like $250. It connects by 802.11b and 802.11g alike, placating zealots on both sides of the Least Interesting Controversy on the Web, letting you share the printer with multiple PCs. It can also be wirefully-networked by plain old Ethernet or connected via USB, in case you believe what everybody says about the link between wireless signals and hemorrhoids.

And the quality of its printed, scanned, faxed, and photocopied works? We generally prefer to let the specs speak for themselves, but we will say this: you’ll literally vomit with awe the instant that the brilliant, indelible color prints cast their majesty upon your retinae. Or figuratively vomit, at the very least. Even your stupidest loved ones will find it easy to use, although space doesn’t permit us to go into detailed instructions for each of the HP Photosmart 2710’s polymorphous printing powers. Finally, as if we don’t do enough for you, we’ll throw in a randomly, crappily chosen P.O.H.P.P. (Pack O’ HP Paper) with each order. It might be linen cards, it might be photo paper, just as long as it’s finally out of our warehouse.

As HP’s own sales copy says, “Reward your family with its own wireless printing network.” It’s a sentiment that rings true regardless of which language it was originally translated from.

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