A computer is like a movie: it’s only as good as the sum of its parts.

Okay, everyone, finish getting your coffee and let’s have a seat. We need to get started on this today, because we’ve got to have a draft at the end of the week. I know, I know, but it’s not me, it’s the studio. What can you do, right?

So, let’s bring everyone up to speed here. I assume we’ve all read The Great Gatsby before. Yes? Oh, Peter, you say you never have? Well, then, you’re my star writer today, Peter, because the rest of you need to forget everything you know about The Great Gatsby! We’re starting fresh! That’s right! Grab hold of the premise and suck the marrow out of it!

Okay, so, I did a little preliminary work, and here’s the first draft. We start at the present day. There’s a beautiful young girl, about seventeen, using her HP Pavilion Phenom Quad Core Desktop. Yes, she’s watching a band on YouTube, that’s good thinking, good thinking, Jacqui. We can make that the first soundtrack tie-in, I like how you think. So, she’s watching the band, and then saving the file with the built-in 15-in-1 Memory Card Reader. But her father comes in, and he’s furious! “Daisy, you get away from that old thing! You need a good computer!” “But, Father! My HP Pavilion Phenom Quad Core Desktop has a 1 TB hard drive and 6GB of RAM!” “I don’t care, little girl, our family could never approve of Microsoft Windows Home Premium 7!” And then he drags her to the car in slo-mo, and we zoom in on the HP Pavilion Phenom Quad Core Desktop, and fade out.

And then, we’re in a club, twenty years later. There’s some hard techno music, like, the kind computers make. There’s all sorts of important people there, drinking, laughing, crazy red and blue lights everywhere. We’ll see if the 27” monitor wants to make a cameo as the bartender, just for fun. And everyone is talking about G. “Where’s G, why isn’t G here, I want my friend the Senator to meet G,” and then, off in the distance, we see him! It’s G! He’s connecting to the party via his 802.11 b/g/n PCI Express Wireless Half-Length Mini Card! Yes, Donna, they should all cheer at him, let me pencil that in. And he’s in a white suit, like that guy in Tron: Legacy. Oh, what’s that, Delanie? You think it’s TRON: Legacy? Well, maybe you’re technically correct, but I’m technically the producer, and I say it looks better in lowercase. Also, you’re fired. No, no, I’m just kidding, you’re not fired. Yet.

Anyway, G’s up on the balcony, and then, out of nowhere, in comes Daisy. It’s been two decades, so she’s like… what, nineteen or so? Let’s not cast over twenty-three on this, okay, Lionel? And G sees her, he can’t believe it. His Phenom II X4-820 (D) 2.8 GHz (95W) is practically overclocking at the site of her. And she’s really impressed, because he owns the whole club, but she has no idea who he truly is. He’s mysterious, and she wants to know more. And then, they go into a back room, and they start making out, and she sees the 15-in-1 Memory Card Reader and she knows! It’s him! G is her old HP Pavilion Phenom Quad Core Desktop! He’s made it big, and done it all for her! And they’re so happy, and we fade out.

Okay, brainstorm now, what’s the third act twist? Ronnie, give me something golden! Hmm, a child in trouble, that’s not a bad idea. Okay, it’s a week later, and G and Daisy are partying again, and he’s showing off his SuperMulti DVD Burner with LightScribe Technology drive. She’s all “Does it handle CD-RW?” and he’s all “Yes, it does!” and she’s all “Ooo, show me!” and he opens the tray and it hits a little girl in the face! Right in the face! And she dies, because she’s poor and doesn’t eat well. And now, he’s a killer, and he has to go on the run! To Tibet!

Yeah, so G disguises himself again, only now he’s part of a musical troupe, so maybe we can get our own Glee episode when the DVD drops. Yeah, I know a guy over there, I’ll make some calls. But Daisy can’t handle that new life, so she starts making a costume so she can fight crime at night. Yeah, and she has these claws and her vehicle is a giant robot spider. And one day, she’s fighting the criminals at WikiLeaks, and she’s just about to win, but then she sees their very last server, and it’s her beloved HP Pavilion Phenom Quad Core Desktop, trapped against his will! And he says “Kill me.” but she can’t bring herself to do it, so she sets him free. But then a WikiLeaks soldier shoots her in the back! And the HP Pavilion Phenom Quad Core Desktop takes her in his arms, her blood all over his white suit, whispering “No, no, no” and his green power light is just flashing as she reaches her hand up to touch his… hey, can we get Wong Kar Wai to direct? Sure, no solid offers yet, just send some feelers, see if he’s interested. Yeah, get back to me next week, see what he wants.

Okay, well, great meeting guys, I think we really cracked what’s at the heart of The Great Gatsby today. It’s true what they say, I guess. It really is the story of America. Jacqui? You free for lunch? We really need to go over those soundtrack ideas.

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