I’m back from GenCon! I had a blast. I got to participate in some great gaming sessions, picked up some souvenirs, and met up with old friends and new. It was really, really fun.

The one disappointment was that just as I was leaving, this obnoxious sorcerer cast an enchantment that transformed me into an Ochre Jelly. No reason! I was minding my own! He was just chaotic evil, I guess. Anyway, I’m not going to lie, that sucked. But at least it was right at the end, so it didn’t spoil the Con itself. (My carpool buddies weren’t too thrilled about it on the ride back, though.)

Lucky for me, when I got home and checked Woot, and what do I see? Splish, splash, it’s a SpinScrub Widepath! That’s the world’s first vac-wash-dry cleaning system specially designed to clean most hard-floor surfaces, if you didn’t know. It’s going to come in really handy scrubbing up the glistening trail of viscous sludge I’ve been leaving everywhere I slither.

The FloorMate has an EZ Select dial for switching between cleaning options, which I’m confident I’ll be able to operate by just extending my pseudopodia. I’m getting the hang of that. They’re surprisingly prehensile!

As you can imagine, the apartment was kind of a mess when I left already. I had to hustle to get all packed up to leave straight from work! But now that I’m a sentient glob of slimy protoplasm, it’s really gross around here. (And the smell! My bathroom gives new meaning to the word “dank,” I’m telling you.)

The Hoover FloorMate, with its interchangeable SpinScrub and Grout brushes, is going to be a huge help in keeping the place presentable while I work on reversing the enchantment. Any suggestions, btw? I’ve been searching CraigsList in hopes of finding a second-hand scroll, or maybe a local cleric, but people are suuuper flaky!

A couple clever features of the FloorMate: First, it’s got a dual-tank design to separate the fresh cleaning fluid from the used stuff, so I won’t have to worry about washing my floors with a watered-down solution of my own pungent excretions.

Second, its handle folds up for compact storage, which is a relief, because since I got home, I’ve been budding in my sleep. It’s pretty weird, I know, but apparently I’m asexual now. What else is new, right? LOL! Seriously, though, I have progeny splitting off from my body nightly, and they seem to really love adhering to the ceiling in the closet, so there’s not a ton of space in there anymore for cleaning appliances.

Anyway, once my FloorMate arrives and I’ve cleaned up some of the residual ooze I’m leaving everywhere, you should come by! I have a ton of photos you should see, plus some new miniatures and dice. You should all come with me next year! There’s a certain magic-user I’ll want to meet up with again, and I could use a couple strikers and controllers in the party when I do.

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