Sure, it’s 90 out there. IN THEORY.

The weather is like communism. It requires a very specific set of circumstances to be exactly what it says it will be on paper. And even then, a tiny motion to the left or the right and it’s not what it was before. That’s why you need some way to tell the weather. And also communists.

Of course, most communists are either living off their parents or are now following the Chinese model. But weather is still out there, lying to us, trying to break down our way of life. That’s why a Heat Index Monitor is so important, especially for the older people who still worry about the commies just outside our door.

A Heat Index Monitor tells you how warm it really feels outside, letting you know that the comfortable 90 on paper is really a scorching 106 in practice. It might let you also know that your car, sitting outside on a pleasant 85 degree day, has become a deadly thigh-burning inferno of pain, and that maybe you should open the windows for a bit.

With a Heat Index Monitor, the fear of weather becomes a thing of the past. Just like communism! Sorry, guys, but at least you tried. Maybe next time, don’t base your co-op around a book that asks you to pay $4.95 to own the paperback.

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