We hear you, swimmers. We understand, houseboat owners.

It’s not fair, we know. Those landlubbers get to zip all around their parks on Segways and rocket-powered laser skis, while you have to exert all of your muscles just to make it to the corner store for a pint of milk. And there aren’t even any corners in the ocean. That can make it even worse! There’s got to be a better way!

Well, now there is. The Hawk SH-150.1 Scout Aqua Scooter is your ticket to lazy, unhealthy living, just like those fat jerkfaces back on dry land. With the Hawk SH-150.1 Scout Aqua Scooter in your hands, you’ll be enjoying smooth, steady up-to-three-mile-an-hour cruising through the briny deep, like an underwater Ghost Rider without a flaming head. Four to six hours of charging can give you a full hour of drive time.

Know how people love to look at otters? Well, now they’ll be looking at you! Nothing says class like a stranger who can’t swim! The Hawk SH-150.1 Scout Aqua Scooter works in oceans, lakes, rivers, pools, and very deep puddles that may be unsafe for humans. You may catch amoebic dysentery, but you won’t be tired out from swimming. Just from vomiting!

Everyone likes eating 8000 calories a day. But muscles are just a hassle. Pick up a Hawk SH-150.1 Scout Aqua Scooter and enjoy the slovenly, flabby body that is the birthright of every American… the fun way!

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