There are only three problems with this two-pack of sporty nylon hammocks:

1. Random Colors: We can’t tell you if the fabric will be verdant green, vibrant red, understated tan, brilliant blue, or imperial purple. We don’t know if you’ll get solid hardwood or black aluminum dowels. And the two hammock chairs in your pack probably won’t match.

2. Missing Minor Pieces: All this means is that the optional eye lag screw and s-bolt are not included, so you’ll have to use the accompanying length of rope to tie it to a sturdy limb (the default mounting method anyway). Or you can pay four or five times as much for the chairs with the screws. You buys your hammock chair and you takes your choice.

3. Possible Death: The chairs might kill you.

If you’re the kind of person who’s into “bouncing, swinging, or any other significant movement,” that is. The instruction sheet inside each hammock chair warns against taking such gymnastic liberties, lest the chair be transformed into a deadly, death-dealing deathtrap capable of inflicting “serious injury or death.” We understand that lawyers have to C their clients’ As, but from the urgent bold-type warning, you’d think that bootleg DVDs of hammock-chair-accident footage were all over eBay. Maybe we’re sheltered, maybe we’ve just been lucky, but nobody of our acquaintance has yet succumbed to a rogue hammock chair. And if you become the first, well, now that they’ve warned you, you can’t even sue the manufacturers.

As long as you’re into the whole sedentary trip, you’ll enjoy many a lounge in suspended nylon comfort, complete with a footrest, a pillow thing, and not one but two luxury armrests. All the hammock chair asks in return is that you remain calm and try not to provoke it. So relax! Just remember to move slowly, like Hoffman’s two-toed sloth (Choloepus hoffmanni), and try to forget that your next wayward “significant movement” could be your last.

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