It’s a medical condition.

Contrary to popular belief, a green thumb doesn’t necessarily mean I’m great in the garden or anything. I mean, I can keep decent azaleas, but I wouldn’t try anything too adventurous. No, the only thing this green thumb DOES guarantee is that eventually I will succumb to the horrible necrosis that doctors say courses through my veins.

That’s why I’m a big fan of these Green Thumb Easy Flip Sprayers. No, you’d think so, but I haven’t gotten any endorsement deal from them. Apparently “terminal extremity necrosis” doesn’t move sprayers. But these things make it a heck of a lot easier to water the rose bushes.

The Adjustable Tip Spray Nozzle has some basic settings for watering, washing the car, or whatever other reason you might have to spray a lot of water around. The 8-Pattern Spray Nozzle is great for specific garden watering. I’m no expert, but I feel like this ginkgo tree really prefers water that falls to the ground in a cone. The azaleas like a nice flat stream. You get the idea.

The best part for me, though, is the Thumb-Trol trigger. I just flip the switch up and the water’s on. I don’t have to get a hand cramp squeezing a trigger, and I don’t have to punch that button through the tip of my rotted thumb trying to hold it up. It’s as simple as a light switch.

Yeah, these nozzles sure make gardening a lot easier. I just wish they would make it easier to accept the fact that someday this as-yet-unidentified bacterial infection will reach my heart and end me. Oh well, no time to worry about that. Spring has sprung!

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