Ow! Hey! Uh, honey, why are you throwing- oh. Oh, I get it. You found out the truth about that “golfing trip” I took last weekend.

OK, OK, OK, listen, listen, so you found the OW! balls and you know I didn’t OW! play golf. So, funniest thing, we were totally gonna go to OW! Rubble Pines, we had a foursome booked and everything – whoa, hey, careful, that one almost got me in the – OWWWW! – and I bought that 36-pack of OW! high-quality brand-name recycled golf balls OW! that you’re throwing at me right n- OW! just like I would if I was OW! going to play golf, which I OW! was.

But then Tim was driving, and you know how Tim is, right honey? Sleazy OW! Tim? Yeah, so sleazy, creepy Tim turns off at the wrong exit OW! and we’re like “where are we OW! going?” and so he’s like “Gentlemen, you can thank me later” OW! and long story short that’s how we wound up at OW! the World Thong Champi- OW! -onships.

Honest, honey, it wasn’t OW! my idea but what could I do? It was OW! one against three and OW! you know I don’t even like thongs, right OW! honey? Boy, there sure are a lot of OW! golf balls in that package, huh? They just keep OW! OW! coming, ha ha. And it sure feels like they’re OW! engineered for longer OW! drives.

So you OW! see, sweetie, it was just a simple OW! misunderstanding and I hated it the whole time- oh, you, uh, found that thong under the seat of the car OW! – whoa, just missed my eye, there, honey. Well, see, I can explain OW! that too but you know what? It’ll be easier to talk if you just go ahead and OW! empty out that box first OW! I know I wish I OW! had.

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