“Is this is a joke, Quesada? You got me out of bed for a bodysnatcher alert over a Gevalia Pod Coffee Maker? Are you trying to get court-martialed?”

“Sir, no, sir. In light of, uh, recent events, I felt that it was better to be safe than sorry, sir.”

“But it’s best to be smart, Quesada. Haven’t you ever heard of a pod coffee maker before? They’re everywhere! And not in a multiplying-like-viruses-to-overrun-the-planet way, but in a normal hey-consumers-like-these-things way. This one in particular lets you brew Gevalia’s fine coffees and teas, along with other brands, one cup at a time, in 6-ounce, 8-ounce, or 12-ounce sizes. What’s so sinister about that, private? Are you against freedom of choice?”

“Sir, no, sir.”

“Did you really think this 40-ounce water reservoir posed a threat to national security – or, indeed, planetary security?”

“Sir, no, sir.”

“Did you believe for one second that Gevalia, the largest coffee roaster in Scandinavia, was just a front for some bodysnatching race of aliens?”

“Sir, well, maybe, sir.”

“After all I’ve told you about how normal pod coffeemakers are nowadays?”

“Sir, yes, sir.”

“For the love of Juan Valdez, private, why?”

“Sir, because this pod coffeemaker can hold up to two pods at once, sir.”

“Two pods? Two pods? So that means…”

“Sir, the pods appear to be multiplying, sir.”

“Quesada, alert headquarters to call in a tactical nuclear strike on Carrollton, Texas. And God help us all.”

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