Would your life dramatically improve if you had a few more cubic feet of space in the kitchen? Isn’t it time to stop cooking with potentially explosive gas, and start heating our meals by bombarding them with radiation waves? Doesn’t food just taste better when it’s been roasted on a spit? If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, stay away from us. You sound like some kind of weirdo. But hey – freaks and straights alike will benefit from replacing their old stoves with the frying, fricaseeing functional food-fixing features of the GE 1.2 cu. ft. Double Grill Microwave with Rotisserie.

Is it a microwave? It might just be more microwave than you can handle, with 1000 watts of cooking power. Is it a rotisserie? Just ask the many chickens, pork loins, and squirrels that have met a delicious end on its spinning spit. Is it the most convenient way to cook this side of Superman’s heat vision? No – it’s even more convenient, because it doesn’t have to fly around rescuing lady reporters and turning coal into diamonds. Oh, and because it offers 36 pre-programmed settings and eight one-touch buttons, for everything from popping corn to boiling water to defrosting game hens. Hey, try putting a live cockroach inside and setting the timer for five minutes – either it’ll die or it’ll emerge with new and fantastic powers, in a chilling glimpse of what kind of creatures might rule the world after a nuclear war.

Anyway, back to the GE Double Grill Microwave! It grills! It browns! It broils! It looks pretty good for a microwave! The door opens and everything! Unless a kid is trying to open it, in which case said kid will be thwarted by the child lock! Somebody stop us before we strain a muscle under the weight of all this hyperbole! Just buy this thing already – we’re running out of exclamation points!

Back to top