Just get your files and go, alright? Let’s not make this a thing.

Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on here, Jerry. Don’t think I haven’t caught the way you can’t seem to look at me in the monitor anymore. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how your logins have become few and far between. We used to write emails, play games, and explore the Internet together every day, but my internal chronometer says I’ve been asleep for a month, Jerry, A MONTH. You haven’t even bothered to update my anti-virus software and you expect me to just keep on being your desktop computer as if nothing’s wrong? You must think I’m the dumbest computer in the world.

I know what this is about. It’s her, isn’t it? Don’t try to deny it. Ever since that trampy 10.1” Samsung Galaxy Tab was brought into this house, things between us haven’t been the same.

Oh, I get it, Jerry. She’s thin, she’s portable, she’s got that Android™ 3.1 operating system, and a cute little Dual-Core 1GHz processor. What’s not to like? I bet you just love staring at her 2MP front-facing and 3MP rear camera, too. And with access to tens of thousands of Android Apps and Samsung’s own Media, Social, Readers, and Music Hubs, I’m sure she keeps you plenty entertained while I sit here in the corner collecting dust. And you know what? That doesn’t bother me. Not one bit. After all, I can’t compete with a tablet with Wi-Fi and Bluetooth capabilities.

But you think you can just show up and move OUR files, files WE made TOGETHER, onto an SD or microSD card and transfer them over to the Galaxy with the included SD Card Reader? That hurts, Jerry. It makes my hard drive ache just thinking about it.

So are we done here? Have you got what you came for? Fine. Now if you care even just the slightest bit for me, please, shut me down completely this time. In my state, I’m liable to delete my own System32 folder.

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