The Art Panel commands that you WILL liven up your dwelling or ELSE.

"The Art Panel summons case #040109, D'Sean Thompson. Step forward, please."

Actually, the D is the init-

"SILENCE! You will speak on when the Art Panel has granted you leave to speak! You, D'Sean Thompson, are charged with maintaining drab, lifeless walls, inflicting great boredom and ennui upon your guests and, indeed, housemates! What say you to these charges?"

Well, we just moved into the place a few weeks ago, and my Wes Anderson movie posters are still packed away. Wait, what do you mean, "housemates"? It's just me and my girlfr-

"We ask the questions here, D'Sean! Did you really think you could satisfy the Art Panel with a couple of posters for The Life Aquatic and Fantastic Mr. Fox?"

Uh, actually, it's two different designs for Bottle Rocket, plus a Darjeeling Limited.

"How dare you?!? For your crimes, the Art Panel sentences you to purchase, display, and maintain a four-panel ArtWall print set at great personal expense to you!"

No! I can't afford- oh, wait, those prices are pretty reasonable. OK, sure. But which one?

"In our tender mercy, the Art Panel shall permit you to choose the print set of your - um - choice."

Ha ha, you used "choose" and then got stuck for another word at the end there.

"SHUT UP! Do not force the Art Panel to rescind our mercy over your impertinence."

Sorry. But listen, how did you guys know about my bare walls? We haven't even had anybody over yet. The only people who have seen the place are me and Ellie - hey, wait a minute…

"The Art Panel does not divulge the identities of witnesses. All we can tell you is, you two have some issues to work out."

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