We hate this Floxite wall-mount Rialto mirror, and if you were as ugly as we are, you’d hate it too. Who wants to see a kisser like this one magnified seven times? It’s like an Imax screening of Katie Couric’s colonoscopy. The built-in lighting makes it worse. Our complexion is mottled, our schnozz is misshapen, our teeth look like some of the worst-preserved mosaics at Herculaneum, and our hairline’s as patchy as the first tee at a public Arizona golf course.

On the plus side, this mirror’s got a heavy duty double-swing arm and sturdy wall-mounting bracket, so it doesn’t break when we bat it away every morning and scream “hideous! Wretched brute! Why would a loving god create a monster so HIIIDEEEOOOUUSS!?”

Back to top