How many times have you been afraid that your smoke detector would burn down the house?

It’s a common fear. So common that there should be a name for it. But there’s no name. And you know why? Because the Fire Alarm lobby pays off the fear-naming industry. That’s right, and they don’t even hide it. Why should they? Once the lizard people take over fires will keep the planet warm and… okay, that’s my phone… it’s my lawyer, I really should take this… okay, my lawyer tells me that my contract says I’m not supposed to talk about my theories on the lizard people for any reason. So I guess just do the research on your own.

But that thing I can’t mention is the very reason why we’re offering a two pack of First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors. Like all those unoriginal movie critics on a deadline wrote back in March, “Who Watches The Watchmen?” Well, if you replace “Watchmen” with “First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors”, you’ve got the answer. They watch each other!

The First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors link up, you see, sending out a wireless 914MHz 3 channel signal that won’t interfere with other electronics. When trouble arises, the alarms signal each other, and activate, warning you upstairs about the problem in the basement. Because they’re smart, the First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors also use photo electric sensing technology that reduce nuisance alarms, and have a silence button to turn off non-threatening alarms. Let me tell you, that really helps when you’re single and eat a lot of frozen pizzas because no one wants to talk to you. Hey, is it my fault that the lizard people send their agents to turn everyone against me? Wait, it’s my phone again… Sorry, I forgot. Forget I said anything about lizard people. Wait, wait… no, it’s okay, I’m just not answering it this time.

With two AA batteries included for each detector, this pair of First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors will watch over each other and make sure your home or your friend’s home or your friend’s tool shed that you’re using for a few weeks just until you get back up on your feet will stay safe and fire-free. Not like the car he let you borrow, that went up faster than a 1940’s baby blanket. Sure wish they made First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors for the car.

Anyway, if you’re worried about your safety, and you really should be since we’re coming up on 2012, you’re gonna need this two pack of First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors to keep an eye on each other. In fact, you should probably buy an additional two pack to help keep an eye on the first two pack in case they’re both in on it. I’m on to you, First Alert One Link Voice Smoke Detectors. You and them lizard people. Yeah, and you too, Mister Telephone. You just keep ringing, just keep on ringing. I ain’t afraid of you.

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