Find yourself another fool, Consolidated-Federal Power Co.! I used to get enraged over your rank incompetence, the blackouts every time a stiff breeze blew, your molasses-slow repair crews. I’ll admit it: I even went so far as to research the home addresses of your key executives, just in case I needed to apply a little bit of Corleone-style persuasion to get the damn lights back on.

But I’m stepping back from the precipice now. The Excalibur Dynamo Radio Flashlight gives me the serenity to accept the outages I cannot change. It features a mega-bright LED torch and an AM/FM radio, but that’s not all. It draws power from two sources even you boobs can’t bumble away: solar panels and a hand crank. So the next time a torrential drizzle takes out half of the city grid, take your time, Con-Fed. I’ll just be reading my racing form and listening to America’s favorite oldies courtesy of my Excalibur Dynamo Radio Flashlight. And I won’t have to pay you leeches a penny for the privilege.

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